Degrees Awarded by the University of Dubious Internet Studies
The sixth degree awarded by the UDIS goes to Mark Herron, whose touching belief that anything he finds on the Internet must be true (as long as he agreeds with it) sometimes reduces his credibility. Our expectation is that, as a holder of the Ph.D. from the UDIS, his future endeavors will gain added credibility, His degree is awarded by the Department of Advanced Internet Nonsense.
The fifth degree awarded by the University of Dubious Internet Studies goes to Russell Zwyghuizen, whose assiduous use of his limited means of communication arouses our admiration. We had originally awarded him a Ph.D., but unfortunately his subsequent effortrs did not meet the high expectations of the UDIS and the university was forced to reduce his degree to an M.A. We think that, like the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz, he suffers from the absence of appropriate brains, and just as diplomas solved the Scarecrow’s problem, so a degree from the UDIS will surely allow him to hold his own in the comments section of MLive. We hope that, with improvements in his work, we can in time restore the Ph.D.
The fourth degree awarded by the University is to Stacy Ograyensek, a notable inhabitant of MLive (a Michigan news organization), known for making confident but unsupported assertions in the best tradition of the UDIS. “They wouldn’t have put it on the Internet it it wasn’t true!" Her degree is in Uninformed But Supremely Confident Opinion, awarded summa cum infamia. The UDIS applauds her diligent efforts and hopes her new degree will advance her career.
The third degree awarded by the University is Kim Weitschat Roose, who like the Red Queen is able to believe six impossible things before breakfast. In a single three-line post she included six pieces of mis- or disinformation, and when questioned provided a half dozen or more pieces of dubious material. For unparallelled devotion to the cause of misinformation, she is awarded this degree.
The second degree awarded by the University is to Laura Klukowski-Sims, whose confidence in what she finds on the Internet is worthy of the highest standards of dubious Internet surfing. Her specialty is believing that every case of effects from COVID vaccines reported to VAERS is absolutely accurate, despite the CDC’s foolish statement to the contrary. She is also a firm proponent of the idea that mRNA vaccines alter DNA, and we applaud her refusal to be influenced by ignorant scientists who think her claim silly. We hope that her degree will enable her to apply for and obtain a job with the CDC that will enable her to persuade them of their errors. Her motto: “If I find it on the Internet, and I agree with it, it’s true!”
The first degree awarded by the University is to “Dino Ricciuti.” The name is in quotation marks because the University suspects that he is in fact an invention of “Yalies,” named after the university students who used to invent wild problems to send to Ann Landers in the hopes she would take them seriously. “Dino Ricciuti” purports to be a concrete mixer who is a self-taught expert in epidemiology, public health, and Internet research. In any event, either his creative research or that of the Yalies has earned him our diploma.
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